@russellbrand has found God. Again.
- @russellbrand has found God. Again. For the third time this decade. First he was the Noughties sex addict, literal "Shagger of the Year." Then came Enlightened Russell: kundalini guru, Buddhist, transcendental meditation conference host, all Eastern mysticism and cosmic vibes. Now? Born-again Christian. Baptized in the Thames by Bear Grylls in April 2024. Here's the thing about hydras: every time you cut off one head, two more grow back. Brand doesn't replace his beliefs, he just adds more heads to the collection. The day after his Christian baptism, he posted about tarot cards. "Can you mix Christianity with other spiritual practices?" he asked. Most Christians: No. Brand: Why choose? By September, he'd graduated from getting baptized to baptizing others. In his underwear. Just white tighty-whities in a river while the convert wore a full wetsuit. When criticized, he asked: "Are these tighty-whities satanic?!" Purely coincidentally, seven months before finding Jesus, four women accused him of rape and sexual assault. He denied everything. Then—divine timing, Christianity happened. He's now facing five criminal charges, pleading not guilty while clutching a Puritan prayer book and wearing multiple crucifixes to court. Maybe it's genuine. Maybe Hydrussell has truly found peace through Christ... and Buddha... and yoga... and tarot... and whatever's trending on Rumble next week. Why pick one spiritual path when you can collect them all? The hydra keeps growing new heads. Each speaks a different language. Each contradicts the last. All belong to the same guy who made dick jokes on MTV. The irony? Hydras are immortal. Brand's career survived heroin, obscurity, and now rape allegations. Whatever happens next, there'll be another head, another reinvention, another baptism in less clothing. Jesus is trending now. Give it six months, maybe Scientology makes a comeback.
