- Here's a guy who actually made it to the top. Former guerrilla, political prisoner, mayor of Bogotá,the whole redemption arc. Inspiring, right?
Except somewhere between the campaign promises and Casa de Nariño, things got weird.
These days, Gussstavo Petro has this delightful habit of vanishing for days, showing up late to critical meetings,or just not showing up at all. And when he does appear, well... let's just say there are questions about his "condition." He's taken to posting long, rambling manifestos on social media in the early morning hours, which is definitely what you want from the guy with his finger on the country's pulse.
Then there's the Venezuela situation. When Maduro blatantly stole the 2024 election, with international observers, statisticians, and basically everyone except Maduro's mom agreeing it was fraud, Petro did this masterful dance of diplomatic ambiguity. Won't recognize Maduro won, won't say he didn't, just sort of... wiggles around the question like a snake. See what we did there?
Meanwhile, back at home: His son Nicolás got arrested for money laundering and illicit enrichment, allegedly taking $150,000 from convicted drug traffickers. The president's response? Basically "that's rough, buddy, but the law's the law." Dad of the year material right there.
In September, Petro flew to New York, joined a protest with Roger Waters, and announced plans for a "World Salvation Army." Yes, really. A World Salvation Army. To start with Palestine. Because nothing says "serious statesman" like cosplaying as a global revolutionary at the UN.
The U.S. responded by sanctioning him, his wife, his son, and his interior minister for failing to stop record cocaine production. Petro's comeback? "I have a European passport, I don't need you!" Very presidential. Very measured.
Colombian courts keep ordering him to retract insane accusations he makes on Twitter. He tweets conspiracy theories at 3 AM, gets sued, loses, apologizes... then does it again next Tuesday.
He passed the national budget by decree, first time since 1904, when Colombia literally lost half its territory. But sure, nothing authoritarian about that.
