BREAKING: Leftorium stocks surge 847% as New York elects left-wing mayor.
- BREAKING: Leftorium stocks surge 847% as New York elects left-wing mayor. Wall Street analysts confirm that Leftorium Inc. (NYSE: LVFT) has become the most valuable retailer in America overnight. CEO Nedly Flanders released a statement: “We always knew our left-handed can openers would save democracy.” The chain’s flagship Manhattan location has completely sold out of: 👉Progressive scissors (only cut left) 👉Redistributive measuring tape (starts from the left side) 👉Solidarity hammers (swing left exclusively) 👉Workers’ rights computer mice (no right-click function) “I came for a left-handed coffee mug, but the political symbolism just felt right,” said one confused customer who waited 6 hours in line. The mayor’s office has not yet commented on whether City Hall will be retrofitted with left-handed doorknobs.
