President Trump, in his finest diaper and a tiny MAGA onesie, plays on the Oval Office carpet
- President Trump, in his finest diaper and a tiny MAGA onesie, plays on the Oval Office carpet, moving plastic warships across a crinkled map of the Caribbean with his tiny hands. "Pew pew! Take that, Venezuela!" he gurgles, knocking over a toy destroyer with his toy. Meanwhile, across the sea, Maduro twirls dramatically in full salsa regalia, his cabinet cheering him on. He's dancing because his phone just buzzed with messages from his big friends, Russia sent a shipment of weapons emojis, and China wired another billion with a winky face. "Look at me now!" he croons into a golden microphone, doing the merengue between two flags, one red with a hammer and sickle, the other red with yellow stars. His ministers form a conga line as he shouts, "I have the BEST friends! The strongest friends!" Back in Washington, Baby Trump squints at his toy boats, confused why his invasion game isn't working. He demands more ships, more juice boxes, and "someone tell me why the bad guy is still dancing!" His generals exchange worried glances as he threatens to hold his breath until Venezuela runs out of dance music. The geopolitical playground continues: one toddler with plastic boats, one dictator with a playlist and powerful pen pals.
